I know. I know. It's been forever since I last blogged and you probably thought I fell off the face of the earth, or possibly ate myself into a jarred cheese coma.

But no. I'm just a professional slacker. Okay fine. That's not true either. I have been doing a few things…like teaching my hamsters Michael Jackson Karaoke Hits and killing my plants with overwatering.

See? I have a few secret talents even you didn't know about.

Meanwhile, last time we met I was teaching sex ed classes at the local taco shop. And now I'm back again to impart my twisted, useless and most probably obnoxious parenting wisdom once again with my latest post at Aiming Low, 10 Things You Should Never Say to a New Mom Unless You Have a Death Wish.

Here's the link below, because my linky thingy is borked right now:

http://aiminglow.com/2011/08/things-should-never-say-mom-unless-have-death-wish/

So, come on over and join the fun. I might even throw in some bacon flavored chapsticks and hamster karaoke lessons to the lucky reader who can tell me which rock star my baby most resembles. 

Mwah!