![]() When Your Mother Is a Doula Posted on Sunday, February 07, 2010 — Listed under Awakened Parenting Ideas
Feb 7 When your mother is a doula, you know things about the female reproductive system at the age of five that some women at the age of thirty-five don't even know. For example, this is a conversation my friend's five-year-old son had with a pregnant stranger while waiting for his mom in the birthing center lobby. “So, you're pregnant, huh?” he began, his eyes focusing keenly on her large belly. “Well, yes I am, young man.” “Probably six, maybe seven months along?” “That's amazing. How did you know?” “Your belly is pretty big. Uh huh. Did you know that your baby lives inside your u-ter-us?” he asked, enunciating every syllable of ‘uterus' slowly and clearly like a bonafide sex ed instructor. “Well yes…” Interrupting, “And you also know that your cervix is going to have to open up really big to let it out?” “Um…” “It's okay. My mom says that massaging the per-i-NEE-um really helps. Olive oil is good for that. Because babies heads are REALLY big, you know.” Stunned silence. “When they come out, babies have a lot of goop on them. They look ugly, but once you clean them off they look better. I bet your baby is going to be beautiful. I mean once they clean it off, you know?” Embarrassed chuckle. “Have you decided what are you planning to do with your placenta? My mommy made a garden with mine, but I think she is going to eat the next one. She says it might taste nasty, but it's really good for you. It has lots of vitamins and minerals and junk.” “Um … well … I hadn't really decided yet.” “That's okay," he told her reassuringly. "You've still got plenty of time."
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26 comments | Add your own »
he did ask how babies got into mommie's bellies... I glared at my husband as he opened his mouth to respond. I'm not the only one who thinks sex education is okay, but he's a bit too young for that now.
Comments by
Rosemary
PRICELESS! Still LOL!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010 at 5:39:55 PM Comments by
Valarie
He should teach classes.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 2:38:26 PM Comments by
Unknown Mami
Hey girlfriend!! I have an award for you on my blog!
http://shelleysswag.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-award-apalooza.html
Have a great weekend!!!!
~Shelley
Monday, February 15, 2010 at 10:25:47 PM Comments by
Shelley
OMG! Now I want to hear what she said to him after that one :-)
I bet his mom was proud!!
Saturday, February 13, 2010 at 10:37:36 AM Comments by
Laura
Ohhh. Cute! Your little guy is a smart one!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 7:11:25 AM Comments by
Sarah C.
Fantastic! And puts me in mind of a friend of mine's daughter with whom I had this conversation (she was 2)
Me: Oh Z! Where's that raisin gone?
Z: Down my oesophagus and into my stomach.
Both parents are doctors. Can you tell?
Tuesday, February 09, 2010 at 7:32:51 PM Comments by
Plan B
I would taken that kid over my childbirth education class any day. SO much better than those damn meditation exercises.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010 at 2:48:39 PM Comments by
Kate@And Then I Was a Mom
Hilarious! What a clever little man. I pity his future wife though she's going to know way too much about child birth before her first one. Hee hee love it. Ps thanks so much for your comments on my blog, they made me feel so much better!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010 at 1:13:09 PM Comments by
Carrot in Mums hair
HAHA! So cute! What a smart kid!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010 at 2:43:17 AM Comments by
brae
oh wow. kids know too much these days
Tuesday, February 09, 2010 at 12:06:22 AM Comments by
marjnhomer
Naomi, come by my site for an award.
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 6:46:53 PM Comments by
Susan
What an adorable boy!
I'm in the mood for jello. Anyone else?
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 5:45:27 PM Comments by
mrsblogalot
He seems to be a little doula in the making.
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 2:06:48 PM Comments by
Mwa
I am glad to be back. I have actually started posting again, and I am pretty sure my family is happy about that. I was getting way to tense not being able to get all this BS out of my head!
Yes, I believe in early sex ed. Early meaning when they start talking about it and you have to correct them. I will do a post tomorrow on how it all came about (I don't want to take up all your comments with my ramblings). Come over tomorrow, say 2ish. It should be up.
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 10:19:34 AM Comments by
April
OMG, BNM!! I can't stop laughing on that one. Disgusting and hilarious. And such a perfect example of something a little one would say!!
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 9:39:06 AM Comments by
Naomi
If it helps Bel told my mother in law that those bins that they have in public toilets are for the things that mummy uses to stop her having babies and that Car liked to chew on them! I don't know who was more shocked when it was repeated to me, MIL or me... must reconsider where I put those tampons from now on, and how I tell Bel things....BNM
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 4:53:42 AM Comments by
Barenakedmummy
Hey guys, thanks for all the awesome comments. April--great to hear from you again! I'd missed you. That's interesting that you believe in early sex ed, esp. cuz I know you have older kids. It's hard for me to even think about that yet, really. Though I am all for being honest when talking about kids about their bodies. Ever since Nino was 2 he's been asking me why I stick tampons in my butt, so I explained that I have a vagina. So ever since then he'll go find tampons and bring them to me and say "Here Mami. For your GINA."
Blueviolet--I totally understand! I think this lady was pretty freaked out too. Existential waitress--thanks!! I pride myself on strange but hilarious. That's my personal motto. Susan--hahahahaha! Theody--Oh, she is very proud! He is quite the little man. And a total sweetheart too. Naptimewriting--I think the perineal massage demo came next.... just kidding. But I wouldn't be suprised if he knew how. Mandie--that is hilarious. I had so many people guess what I was having when I was pregnant, but none of them were children. I would've loved that. Amy--me too! I'm totally with you on that one. He's one up on a whole lot of doctors I've had throughout my life.
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 3:15:00 AM Comments by
Naomi
I think I might let this kid birth my next child.
Monday, February 08, 2010 at 12:46:51 AM Comments by
amy
I haven't laughed so hard in awhile.
I remember when I was 7months along an 8yr old told me I was going to have a boy since I was carrying so low. She was wrong, she had nothin' on this boy!
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 9:01:56 PM Comments by
Mandie
Hilarious. Mostly that she seemed horrified at the honesty. I find kids who actually know what they're talking about charming compared to the "wee-wee" kids who don't know anything about their own bodies or "naughty parts" kids who are taught shame instead of awe.
At least he didn't offer to show her how to do perineal massage.
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 3:40:30 PM Comments by
naptimewriting
His mom should be proud of her budding gynecologist :)
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 3:15:50 PM Comments by
Theody
Oh please tell her not to eat it! Ahhh! (Cute discussion but scary ending...)
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 3:08:41 PM Comments by
Susan
That is hilarious! Strange, but hilarious.
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 2:07:39 PM Comments by
existentialwaitress
That would have completely and totally freaked me out!
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 1:53:17 PM Comments by
blueviolet
I am a firm believer in early sex education. I wonder if he knows how the baby go there? lol
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 1:05:59 PM Comments by
April
Sunday, February 07, 2010 at 12:57:41 PM
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