Happy Thursday to all my favorite hookah smoking cyborgs Cool-Whip lovin' cyberbuddies. First off, I want to apologize for going MIA for the past week or so. Between going camping and being struck down by the double diarrhea affliction (both of which occurred concurrently), I've been pretty much fighting off chiggers or stripping beds and disinfecting car seats. But please know that I loved reading all your comments on the last two posts and I plan to get back with all of you just as soon as I can spend more than three minutes when I am not touching a biohazardous substance or psychotically itching my netherparts chigger bites.

Meanwhile, let's get back to the real reason we are here today which is to crown the newest Cool Whip Queen—Peryl from Parenting Ad Absurdum. I've been following Peryl's blog religiously from the moment I found her. She is an amazing writer and has a way of validating every cell of my mommy being from my peanut butter stained fingertips down to my sparkle glitter stickered toes with her hilarious and insightful posts that cover everything from toddler vampire obsession to secret Wiggles love to Christmas bats to the unbearable kindness of four year olds.

If you aren't acquainted with her yet (though many of you certainly are), make sure to head over to her blog at the Seattle Post Intelligencer immediately. And while you're at it, order yourself a delicious blood frappuccino. It's the newest drink at Toddler Starbucks.

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Reasons to Have Children

For those times when one small child is screaming at brain rattling intensity over… what, I can't for the life of me figure out, and the other is discretely stuffing a roll of toilet paper down the sink drain, and I try to remember why I wanted children in the first place; for those times when the whole "loving something greater than yourself," and "perpetuation of the species" arguments just don't do it for me, I've compiled an ongoing, personal list of reasons why children really are good to have around.

1) They say stuff like, "Mommy, Alex coughed in my eye. Throw him out the window so he won't bother me anymore," and then the next minute say "Mommy, Alex and I are going to get married today because he's the best brother I ever had."

2) You don't need to be a stoner to watch great kids' cartoons. (Not that you ever were, of course. I'm just saying.)

3) They are a good barometer of your own behavior. I feel gratified when my two-year old comments on how nicely his Hannukah presents are wrapped; less so when he tells his older brother to "suck it up and quit freaking out."

4) They fall instantly in love with songs like "Blitzkrieg Bop…"

5) …and allow you to unselfconsciously sing said songs at the top of your lungs in public. When you sing with your children, people look at you indulgently. Without children, not so much.

6) They are endlessly impressed at one's ability to microwave a corn-dog.

7) It's enormously easy to make them laugh. With small boys, at least, all you have to do is say the word "butt," and they're amused for the rest of the afternoon.

8) They are surprisingly sympathetic. My four-year explaining recently to his daddy that mommy was not feeling well: "Poor Mommy has crabs again." Cramps, son, cramps.

9) They do things like drop your portable phone in a glass of milk. I know, on the surface this seems to tell against my thesis, but it actually meant no telemarketers, no political campaigners, and a great excuse to never return people's calls.

10) In fact, they provide an instant excuse for just about anything you don't want to do. Just start a sentence with, "We'd love to, but little Jack, you know…." Parents do know, and non-parents just don't want to know.

What are your reasons today?
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