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I'll Stop the World and Melt With You

Posted on Friday, May 06, 2011 — Listed under Daily Grind
May 6

Two weeks ago my sister Nina passed away. If you want, you can read more about this here and here. Since then, I have been surrounded by so much love and warmth from all of you. I cannot begin to express in words how much your emails, tweets, DMs, texts, calls, cards, etc. have meant to me.

Aside from the obvious, one of the hardest things about losing someone you love is feeling extremely alone. In our society, grief can be very alienating. We are not comfortable with death and when someone has experienced a recent death, the natural response is to avoid that person. I'm not sure why. Before my sister died, I was equally uncomfortable with death and unsure of how to act around someone who had experienced a recent loss. I didn't want to upset or offend them, so I kept quiet rather than to risk upsetting the emotional balance.

It is only now I realize that this only makes the person feel so much more alone.

I'm sure everyone grieves differently. My experience in no way can serve as a postage stamp for grief in general. But at the same time, I know that for me, it has helped so much when people have reached out, asked how I'm doing, asked specific questions about my sister, showed up at my house unexpectedly, refused to leave me alone even when I seemed intent on holing up in my own personal cocoon.

For me, it is hard to believe that the world just keeps on turning and moving after something like this happens. As self-involved as it sounds, it really feels like the whole world should just stop temporarily and melt with you. TV shows should broadcast your grief. Radio shows should advise on the best types of ice cream to heal your inner pain. There should be no messages in your email box from Liberian princesses trying to sell you Viagra.

But it just doesn't work like that.

Life goes on, no matter how empty and weird you feel inside.

And maybe that's a good thing. Because if it wasn't for having to work, having to still get up to two smiling and energetic boys at 4:45 am each morning, having to clean up 22 pounds of coffee grounds + orange juice +  toxic sludge that accidentally got leaked all over the carpet, etc., it would be almost too easy to sink deeper and deeper into the void until you just gently fade away.

So I thank you, dear sweet friends. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry I haven't yet written personal emails to all of you. I've writen them in my mind. Over and over again. I just haven't finished putting all the pieces together yet. Please know your love and support has meant the world to me. Thank you for being there to let me stop and melt with you.

 

29 comments | Add your own »

I just read the two posts. What a hideous time for you and for your family. I'm so sorry you lost your sister so cruelly and so slowly.

Comments by Jessica Gottlieb
Monday, May 23, 2011 at 2:00:50 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. "..it is hard to believe that the world just keeps on turning and moving after something like this happens." That's exactly how I felt when my brother passed away or when other loved ones had passed away. Be well. Sending virtual hugs your way.

Comments by Buckeroomama
Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 4:48:55 PM

Sorry to have come to this so late. Sorry, most of all for your loss. Grief is something we never get over, but something we learn to live with. Love and hugs.

Comments by Steve
Friday, May 20, 2011 at 2:12:08 PM

Still so sad for you, and your parents. How are they holding up?

Comments by alexandra
Thursday, May 19, 2011 at 8:53:11 PM

Oh love! Your beautiful writing has never been more evident. Know that you are in my thoughts daily and that my heart aches for you.

Comments by Mandyland
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 10:06:54 AM

Naomi, I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful post about grief and how our culture deals with death. You and your family are in my thoughts. I am sending you virtual hugs.

Comments by Amy
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 9:02:09 AM

It does feel like that...like the world should notice when we're drowning. Like everyone else is so completely oblivious to our pain. Know that there are plenty of peole who do notice and who want nothing more than to pull you aboard and sail away from all of this. Hang in there!! MMF

Comments by Meagan
Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 7:53:09 AM

Hugs from far away, Naomi. I'm so sorry for your loss, and am glad to hear that you're surrounded by people that won't leave you alone. Warmest thoughts and wishes. xoxox

Comments by macondo mama
Monday, May 09, 2011 at 1:23:23 PM

I am so sorry to hear. Sent you an email. Hugs!

Comments by susie @ newdaynewlesson
Saturday, May 07, 2011 at 7:23:21 PM

I have been out of the loop, my friend. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am so proud of you---still teaching and learning and giving, even in this challenging hour. Hugs and hope to you.

Comments by Nancy C
Saturday, May 07, 2011 at 5:04:58 PM

I've been thinking of you a lot. I hope you keep writing about your sister, your grief and your healing process. The empty space she left in your life will never be filled, I hope you can find a way to honour that void and transform it over time into something that can be acknowledged with less agony of the heart. I know exactly what you mean about how surreal it is when the world continues to hurtle ahead despite the pain that has frozen your universe. Keep the love that surrounds you in sight. xoxoxo

Comments by MOMSICLE VIBE
Saturday, May 07, 2011 at 1:49:51 PM

I am so sorry. I had no idea. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm always here to listen. Hugs,

Comments by Kimberly
Saturday, May 07, 2011 at 8:32:33 AM

I had no idea and I feel for your loss. It is never nice losing a family member and I know that to melt away would help but remember that normality also helps. All my love to you all BNM

Comments by Barenakedmummy
Saturday, May 07, 2011 at 2:37:55 AM

Oh Naomi, you've been on my mind. I had seen some of your tweets and what was going on, and I don't want to intrude. But I am glad that you've found so many comforting messages from your friends.

Comments by Sherri
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 8:58:33 PM

Hugs and endless love from me to you. I wish the world could stop and melt with you. This is such an unimaginable and horrible thing for you and your family to have to suffer. I'm thinking of you, as always. Love you.

Comments by Laura
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 8:37:06 PM

Oh, my friend...I'm so sorry! I had no idea - I've been out of the loop and I hadn't heard about your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xxoxox If you need anything...anything, you know I'm here.

Comments by Natalie
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 3:43:05 PM

When we received our monthly invitation to Mahshid's Devotional, we were shocked to hear of Nina's death! We both are so sorry for you and your family's loss. I know you have shared with me Nina's struggles, and at least we know that Nina is at peace now and in heaven. We love you Naomi.

Comments by Lynn & Michael
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 3:24:19 PM

I've felt that way exactly--just in awe that the world isn't stopping! I wish I could hug you right now. Bring you dinner and ice cream. I love you so much, Naomi!

Comments by Lara
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 1:24:52 PM

I am so sorry for you and your family. Just know we are thinking of you. Big hugs. As someone else said, just keep writing through it.

Comments by Accidental Expert
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 12:42:11 PM

*hugs*

Comments by mama_pez
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 12:31:38 PM

I think all of us would like to stop the world and melt with you. We love you, Naomi.

Comments by dusty earth mother
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 12:25:25 PM

Oh Naomi, I can't imagine that. I'm so sorry. You're right, we just never know what to say to people. I think we are afraid that if we mention the person who passed, those still here will be more upset. I'm so glad you've been comforted by so many. Hugs....

Comments by NotJustAnotherJennifer
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 12:15:12 PM

Naomi, I hope you know that no matter what, you are never alone. And that while I have yet to experience a loss or grief such as you have, I want to be here for you for whatever you need. If I had your number? I'd totally call and harass you! Your entire family has remained in my thoughts and prayers. I think of you daily. You are loved.

Comments by Erin Margolin
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:42:50 AM

I'll melt with you any day. Hug.

Comments by KLZ
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:29:48 AM

I'm so, so sorry for your loss, Naomi! And you are definitely not alone. You just keep writing through it or posting on Facebook or whatnot, and we are here to "chat" as best as we can.

Comments by liz
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:24:29 AM

So very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean about the alone-feeling. When my brother died, people just didn't know what to say or do. When all I wanted was a chat. Or a hug. Be well, friend.

Comments by MommaKiss
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:23:20 AM

I agree so much with this so much. You summed it up perfectly. Love you!

Comments by teresa
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:22:49 AM

Naomi, I'm so very sorry for you loss. Thank you so much for this post though. It means a lot especially with what is going on in my own household right now. I fear sooner, rather than later, these words will truly comfort me.

Comments by Shannon
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:19:31 AM

Hey Naomi, great article. Let's hang out one day (other than children's class and stuff :)! Happy Mother's day. xoxoxox

Comments by Fariba
Friday, May 06, 2011 at 11:18:06 AM


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