When my son Nino was two-and-a-half, I was several months into my pregnancy with Diego and my milk began to dry up. I had not planned to wean Nino. I had hoped to tandem nurse both boys after Diego was born because I thought it might help to decrease feelings of jealousy and also allow Nino and I to continue to enjoy our own special nursing relationship.

But when my milk began to dry up, nursing became uncomfortable. I realized that I was not going to be able to continue to nurse Nino throughout the rest of my pregnancy as I had intended. I began to search for ideas on how to wean Nino without it being traumatic and upsetting for him. It wasn't easy to find information on toddler weaning. Most information on weaning assumes that your baby is still too young to talk and say, “I want to nurse. Lay down and give me those milks.”

Nino was verbally precocious and I knew that I was going to have to explain to him why we had to quit nursing. Additionally, I had never limited his nursing. I had always allowed him to nurse on-demand. The idea of trying to suddenly stop him from nursing altogether seemed almost unthinkable and I needed some direction.

Fortunately, I had a close friend who had weaned her sons at an older age and she was able to give me some advice. Through her suggestions and also some trial and error of my own, I managed to wean Nino without too much drama and too many tears. Here are some tips from what I learned:

Distraction
Toddlers are easily distracted. Instead of saying “no” every time your child asks to nurse, offer another fun activity that you know he will enjoy. Puzzles, blocks, hide and seek, arts & crafts, board games, Play Doh, catch, Lego, dress up … you know the drill. Any activity that your child enjoys will probably suffice, so long as he isn't tired or cranky for some other reason.

Nursing Rules
If you want to wean gradually, set some rules for nursing and slowly reduce the number of times your child nurses in a 24-hour period. For example, I made the rule that we could only nurse in a bed, so if there was no bed around (park, zoo, aquarium, etc.) I explained that we couldn't nurse. The funny thing about this is that toddlers are incredibly smart and they will try and outwit you. One day at the mall, Nino asked to nurse. I told him that we couldn't because there was no bed around. “But, Mommy,” he said. “There is beds here. Remember that store with all towels and lamps?” He was so pleased with himself that I had to nurse him if only to reward him for being so adorable and bright. But I wasn't sure how I felt about nursing on the show beds in the middle of Macy's, so I had to break my rule just once and nurse him on a bench near the play area.

Create a New Bedtime Routine
If nursing is your main bedtime routine, like it was for us, creating a new one will be an important step in the weaning process. I had always relied upon nursing to settle Nino into sleep. It was so easy to lie down together, cuddle and nurse. Within minutes, we were both asleep. There was no nighttime drama. No bedtime delay tactics. Nino loved going to bed because it meant endless hours of cuddling and an all-night milk buffet at the Mommy Corral.

However, Nino had no skills at soothing himself into sleep because I had not encouraged him in to develop them. The first thing I had to do was come up with something else that was fun and soothing as a way to get ready for bed. Reading books and cuddling seemed the obvious choice for us. Nino loved reading books with me. And we both loved to cuddle. Singing lullabies, listening to quiet music, a gentle massage, yoga, looking at a family photo album or a enjoying a simple bedtime snack might be some other options. The important thing to remember is to do the same thing every night, so that it becomes an expected ritual that your child looks forward to with anticipation and pleasure.

The first thing I did was to tell Nino that we were going to need to stop nursing at night because Mommy's breasts were hurting her. I gave him a choice of whether to nurse for three or four more nights. He chose four. During those four nights, I nursed him before we read books and cuddled. This helped to break the routine of falling asleep at the breast.

He liked the idea of reading books, so it was easier for him to accept the idea of not nursing to sleep because he had something to look forward to. He was sad about not nursing to sleep and asked a lot of questions, but in the end he accepted it. I was sad too, but the discomfort of nursing on almost empty breasts made the decision much easier.

Don't Offer Midnight Feedings
Nino was used to waking up in the middle of the night to comfort nurse and then go back to sleep. I explained to him that when we stopped nursing before bed, we were also going to stop nursing when he woke up at night. Of course, when toddlers wake up in the middle of the night they are drowsy and not easy to reason with. There were tears, but I offered him plenty of cuddles instead and that definitely made the process less upsetting.

I am currently trying to night wean my son Diego, who is two. He is less verbal and slightly younger than Nino was when we weaned and so it isn't quite as easy to have a conversation with him about why we can't nurse at night anymore. There have been some tears and even a couple serious temper tantrums in the middle of the night, but I am happy to say that he is getting used to falling asleep without a breast in his mouth. He seems to like to either cuddle with me or get away from me entirely. If he isn't sleeping directly on top of me, he is way on the other side of the bed near my husband. I think this is his way of gaining a little control over the situation.

Take Your Time
Weaning is a process, like many other child-rearing techniques. If you have been nursing on-demand for years, weaning is unlikely to happen over night. I have deeply enjoyed my nursing relationship with my boys. It was difficult to decide to wean Nino even when it was causing me physical discomfort. But, whatever your reason for deciding you are ready to wean, take it slowly and the results will come with time. You have established a warm, loving relationship with your child that is built on trust and attachment. Even if your toddler is upset about the end of nursing, he still loves you, believes in you, and looks to you for comfort. Don't feel guilty that breastfeeding is over. Feel proud that you have given your child such a gentle, tender beginning to a beautiful life.